"Not Far Enough Away"

July 15, 2004

Part One - You

The legacy of you lives on,

My muscled former number one.

Recurring waves of what was said

Flow through the town and to my head.

You made some firsts, you are the last,

A clear denouement of a past

Where this town viewed me as myself.

That time is sealed behind a shelf.

But lately when I've been too bored,

I'd reach into where it was stores.

Without my sight, I'd feel with hands

For what no one still understands.

I'd hold it up before the light

And look straight on, but from the right

And from the left you shock me still,

Your apathy, sheer force of will.

Too many locals know you more,

Politely showing me the door

When you portrayed an evil me

And flexed your dick where they could see.

The essence of the games they play

Are personal in your own way.

You take the town back to yourself

While telling me to fuck myself,

The shelf should fall, the door should lock

Because I couldn't please your cock

(Insatiable as it did seem).

Your rumored airs raise to a scream,

So I can hear behind the door

The wasted time I loved you for.

Part Two - Far Enough

So this is how my stay should end,

With no goodbye from former friends

Who used to ask how was my day.

I'll now fulfill their thought decay.

Oh yes, it's said, oh god, it hurts.

I'm pretty sure I'll burn your shirts

And watch the ash rise to the sky

To meet you with your open fly.

This valley that I used to view

From windshield glass and walking through,

Its color fades, its contrast flats;

From leaves it turns to flocks of bats.

You've changed me more than I could ask.

The misanthropic thoughts will mask

My self esteem and latent care

I had for humans anywhere.

This town has changed with no attempt,

For when a native feels exempt

Because of feeling, nothing more,

Politely shown the exit door,

Then objects held up to the light

Explode with heat from former fights.

You learn to shield your face and mind.

When everyone had turned unkind,

You may fulfill the rumors heard

With no account for how absurd.

You learn to live behind your shell

Of frigid earth and frozen hell.

Not far enough away, indeed,

So from this place I do secede.